Views on a Personal Journal

 I think I should start writing a journal. I don't know if I'll be able to cope up with it but I really should. I've started to feel that I'm doing some things wrong. So here's why writing the journal could be a good idea.

• I don't ever talk to myself. Whenever I feel some kind of emotion I just run to some person and tell them my problems. That doesn't make me confront the situation but just escape it. It just helps me to divert my mind instead of finding a permanent solution. Only I can find a solution to the things that I've been through because no one knows the proper details and the emotions behind everything in my life. So no one can make things as better as I myself can.

• I used to write when I was in school. Sometimes revisiting the pages feels amazing. There were sometimes I felt vulnerable and I poured my heart out on the pages. Now looking back at it makes me realize that everything goes on, life goes on. There are phases in our life, some good, some bad. Nothing can hurt forever. I was strong enough to go through all the emotions then. I can do it now as well.

• Everybody has insecurities. Mostly I tell all about it to a person, but then I instantly regret it. If the person in front of me is not in a place where I am, it is difficult for her to understand. And when I get reactions like, "don't think about it too much" or " you can't do anything about it now" it increases the feeling of insecurity even more. Putting out things on paper might help me reflect on the situation better. It can help me be a more secure person as I can look at things from a different perspective the other day. Papers handle the mood swings better I guess.

• If I can't think properly about something that I want to do, or can't figure out the proper way to do it. writing makes the task easy. My mind works differently with pen and paper I guess. Even if I can't make decisions regarding anything major, just 2 or 3 days of writing would help me develop a clear version. How I really want things to be. Why do I want it? Or why should I not be interested in it? The answers to all these questions could be found with a clear perspective.

• Writing helps me to introspect better. Analysis of the situations becomes easier. Instead of being hard on myself, I can learn from my mistakes, and that in turn will help me be a better person. The first step of correcting mistakes is acknowledging that I did a mistake and many people fail to do so. So first, to burst my own bubble of being the right person always in the room and handle things better.

• I won't call or text random people just because I feel blank. Writing makes us explore things we don't even remember we were so interested in doing at some point in time. It makes us more creative and productive. And it feels better to do anything else rather than looking at the rectangle boxes for hours.

The only con I could think of is if someone reads the journal, I'll be in trouble. Yeah so, feels kinda necessary to start a personal journal during the quarantine.

Bottom Out?

As time is passing

We have lost track of time,

Track of our goals

Keep on watching prime.

But mostly we crave for people

Those are closest to our hearts,

The agony of not being able to meet

Yet knowing, it’s time to act smart.

But when I see the suffering

Of the people and the medics,

And on the other hand

Some people taking all the credits.

Leaves me thinking about this,

Do we even know what misery is?

Inspire Her

When a girl put on dark lipstick
they judged her!!
When she wore backless to a party
they judged her!
He kept on saying
people judge too much!
But when his wife earned more than him
He judged her!

He talked to all his colleagues
anytime he wanted,
but when she talked to her male clients
he judged her!

He rated her out of ten with friends
and thought it was okay.
But when she asked her to change his look
He judged her!

He always said he was too busy
for anything and everything,
but when she decided not to have a child yet
He judged her!

He was understanding for the world
accepted people as they were.
But only for his own wife, instead of judging her
She wished he would inspire her.

Darkness

"I'm a dark person", he stated. There was something that disturbed him since the last few days. I was trying hard to figure out what it was, because I'm not the person who gives up on anything that easily thinking that things should be left as they are. Well some times being silent seems the best solution for everything. But when you have such good friends who love you like anything, that darkness can't go unnoticed.

Well there is a girl in my coaching who always comes late to class. Then she takes pictures of the slides presented. While doing this she keeps the flash on in the dark room. And due to the reflection whole class as well as the rays from the projector gets disturbed. People feel like go and shout to shut her phone up.

Each action has it's own time maybe, it's own situation. You can't handle delicate things easily.

I went and hugged him tight. Maybe I don't want to know the reason. I just want the thing that is depressing him, to go away. That's the magic of hugs. You can make anxious people calm, mad people happy. You can see that darkness melt away right in front of you slowly.

Because one flame can light up the room. But one dark object can't have that effect.

I want to be the flame for him!

The Aider

Throughout her childhood
She was the prettiest child
For her mother,
In the whole wide world.

Her every wish was granted,
Not to forget the everlasting pampering
And why not, because
She was the only child.

Then as she grew up,
She met people.
Had severe affection towards
A person who didn't deserve!

The mother saw the danger
That was lying ahead.
Because the people who love
Know when you went crying to bed.

She rang the alarm bells
But it was of no use
Her soul was set on fire, the person
At any cost she won't loose.

But have you ever heard that
Once when the hunter caught the stork.
And fed it to make it fat
But the stork believed he loved him.

When the priest from the monastery
Purchased the storks to
set them free, they flew
Back to the hunter impassionately!

The mother's efforts went in vain
Couldn't describe how she felt.
Hurting herself try and explain,
But there are some people you can't help!

What Not to do on Trips

Recently I went on a trip to Mumbai for over a week. I had a friend with me a few other people in the group. So the company you have might play a very important role in how your trip goes. So this friend of mine along with one other girl took the luggage and we settled in one of the hostel rooms. There were total 22 girls and total 4 rooms were given to us, so we had to adjust a lot. We had this advantage that my friend was such a bully that no one wanted to share the room with us. So we 3 people comfortably rested in our room while in some rooms 9 people had to adjust. But never mind.

This trip was long waited and I wanted to make the most out of it. But on the first the first day itself I lost my booklet for the fest, which was kind of passport for the campus and tickets to the concert. Say, the only thing we had to keep most safely with us. This was not a shock as I had lost my pendrive and 4k rupees in my Kolkata trip. I expect such kind of things always. Pretty glad I didn't loose any money this time, felt like trauma for some time. Last year I lost 8k rupees in total. So I thought this could be kind of new year resolution, but I have no control over it.

Moving on, I wanted to visit so many places, I had a list prepared. But as I said company plays an important role I had to go where the group wanted. Maybe we should have planned and synchronized our respective lists! But we had fun anyways, maybe sometimes unplanned things are the best( not every time XD).

Then in the rest of trip, I was with my flatmates. We traveled in local trains, buses, cabs, everything economical yet comfortable. We planned to visit Delhi next time as it is connected by metros which makes traveling more convenient. Totally unexpected things started happening when we reached Lonavla. We had new friends who took us to the most beautiful places one could visit there.

Driving any moped in hill stations is itself a thrilling experience. So that's how I enjoyed this trip, all sober! When I lived in Nainital I was a small kid. Visiting Lonavla made me want to live in the hills again. Cause now we can visit a place and feel the ambience, absorb it.

Scenes that brings out the photographer inside you (Lonavla)

P.s.- If you can drive in the hills without falling, declare yourself a pro!

Just..

It's remarkable how everyone is successful in being busy, to avoid feeling lonely to feel how they actually feel. Some of the people get affection from so many others. But some are starving, emotionally. Sometimes it feels like no one is there to ask how you actually feel.

I have found ways to keep myself busy too. It's kinda dilemma. How should we lead our life. Ignore the things that hurt and absorb the happy aura around happy things. Or should we feel every moment, that occurs. To think and learn, or to just pass by thick and thin quickly.

Today is one of the days where I'm feeling low without a cause. Overthinking. Though last year has been one of the best years for me. But maybe that's because I ignored everything ugly that came my way. And accepted the love which came by. Kept myself busy in traveling, studying, socializing and some times killing time anyhow.

Things have turned out to be how they were supposed to be. So maybe that's the way of living. The less you let things affect you, the less you give attention to anything, less annoyed you'll be with yourself and life. Wish I was like that always.

Too Good at Goodbyes

I want to thank you today. It's because of you that I'm not afraid. Not afraid to cut people out of my life. Not afraid to say goodbye when necessary. Yes I miss people, but I don't break when they leave. I have learned how to not get attached to someone so much that you can't stay away a single day. Not to do so much for anyone that you end up hurting yourself.

You made me see so many places. I traveled hours just to see you for minutes. Money didn't matter to me in front of my love. Yet all you did was to move on so quickly and so easily. It was so easy for you to play all this time. I knew all of this, at each and every moment, at each step you took away from me. But I had blind trust, it was optimistic bias that make me stand so long.

Now the thing is.. Did I stop trusting people? Did I distance myself from everyone. Did I stop making efforts to keep loved ones happy fearing that I would get nothing in return. They say it right, if you get your heart broken you are on the edge of a cliff. You either fly high or you fall down.

So today I was in college and ran out of money. A friend called me and asked to get something to eat. So I got something for him without letting him know that even I was starving. Yeah, so the answer is yes. I can still do this for people. Stay up late to hear what has given them a hard time.Make them feel better.

The difference is, you taught me not to expect anything in return from anyone. I cross limits for people. I can still travel for hours to meet someone. Still trust people. But I don't break anymore when people leave. I live carefree and have no hard feelings left for you. So I'll treat you with a smile if we ever meet accidentally. Just a thank you post because, my world revolved around you, but now I'm the center.

Lying Out Of Love

There was a group of three girls who planned to go on a jungle safari. The one who knew driving well was a calm person and the other two simply freaked out at minor inconvenience. Together they planned and settled at making it a three day trip for Jim Corbett. So soon after the classes got over on Saturday, they started packing bags. They told their parents that they were going on an educational trip so that they won't worry. One of them took her mother's car. They were all 20 and found themselves capable enough of having their shit together.

On Sunday morning they started off, and had a great day. Next day too they clicked loads of pictures, relaxed in the resort and had fun swimming. Then it was their last day, they listened to pop songs and enjoyed their safari. Soon it was dusk and one of them dozed off. The girl driving was also kinda sleepy. Suddenly a black buck appeared out of no where on the track and the other girl panicked and shouted. The girl who was driving got distracted and moved the steering to save the animal. And the next thing they saw was their car crashing down a big pine tree.

"Whose idea was this?" the owner of the car shouted. "It was me." they replied in union. All her mother could do was laugh. They were grounded for one week.

Whenever someone lies to us we just get angry. We take steps out of wrath that we later regret. But sometimes lying is not for selfish means. It is for the people you care for, people you love. Sometimes it becomes necessary to soothe a person with sweet lies rather than bitter truths. 

Well if you think that a person who lies to you will hesitate or won't be able to look you in the eyes you are so wrong. Compulsive liars can lie straight to your face and you won't have any lie detector in the world which they cannot fool. They have a greater part of grey white matter in their brains. Studies even reveal that intelligent people lie more often. They take it as a measure of smartness.

Anyways it's the purpose that matters. Not telling anyone to lie more often in any way XD. It is completely wrong to cheat on someone for own personal benefits. If your lie leads to the downfall of another person, if you hurt someone bad intentionally so hope karma screws you. Yet it is not so bad if you do it for the right purpose.

        

  

     

Times When Realism Enters

Val found a cub of a leopard
on the day which she could never forget
What a stormy day it was
If she left it alone, she thought she would regret!

The cub has such glistening eyes
it's fur so soft and yet still wet,
She was overwhelmed and felt warm
Decided to keep him as a pet!

Then as it began growing up
It was far away from sedate
played people who came to meet Val
Injured some, but she said it was a mistake!

As it grew older the incidents grew
but she was a woman of persistence
The zoo keepers wanted to take it away
But she loved it, couldn't bear the distance.

Val had a beautiful child days after
now the baby was Val's pursuit
but the leopard attacked the baby too,
it was finally the time she had to shoot!!!